Amber is excited to have reconnected with her teenage daughter. They now talk on the phone daily.

After incarceration, Amber gets a second chance

Amber is unable to identify a clear reason for her drug and alcohol use. She was raised in a stable Christian home with both parents, where no one drank or used drugs-making her struggle all the more unexpected. But at 21, Amber’s boyfriend introduced her to marijuana and alcohol.

Her parents soon became aware that she started drinking and smoking, and the relationship they once shared shattered. “It was terrible, my parents no longer trusted me,” Amber said. “They kept their distance from me. We used to be close, so I felt really sad about it.”

Amber enrolled in college, pursuing a degree in business science management, but eventually dropped out. Although there was no clear trauma or crisis driving her behavior, Amber found herself drawn to the way substances made her feel. “It made me feel numb; that’s the reason why I liked it. I had no real reason to want to numb myself, but it was a feeling I liked. I liked that I could check out whenever I wanted.”

Amber and her boyfriend continued drinking and smoking in her apartment until a neighbor reported them to management, resulting in her being asked to leave. She moved back in with her parents, and the relationship eventually ended. Afterward, Amber began dating again and met a man she moved in with. In 2012, Amber became pregnant.

Despite her partner’s efforts to help, encouraging her to attend support meetings and recovery programs, Amber continued using drugs and alcohol. After giving birth to her daughter, Amber stayed briefly with her parents, but her addiction prevented her from returning home. “My daughter’s 13 now. Her dad’s been taking care of her since we left the hospital. I wasn’t allowed back in the house because of my addiction. But he’s happy I’m now at the Mission. He just wants me to focus and finish my program.”

What Amber once perceived as freedom, the ability to live without boundaries or accountability, only deepened her addiction. Recreational marijuana use evolved into a cycle of repeated incarceration that lasted more than a decade. On the recommendation of her parole officer, she came to the Mission, where she encountered something she had never truly known before.

“I’ve never been so close to God. I didn’t know there really was a God. I met the Lord here. I’m learning who He is and asking lots of questions.”

As Amber approaches graduation, she is focused on carrying the lessons and accountability she has learned into her future. “I want to take this experience and the things I’m learning here when I’m back on my own. I want to continue the structure I’ve found.”

While in the program, Amber has also begun rebuilding her relationship with her daughter. “I speak to her every day. I tell her that I’m in a program to get better and she understands,” Amber said. “She wants me to get my own place so she can visit. I’ve been incarcerated for most of my daughter’s life. I’ve never had a birthday with her. I want that to change. I want to be the mom I want to be.”